Retrospect: '04​-​'10

by Ari Jacobson

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about

A compilation of my demos recorded with various technologies in various parts of the world. Enjoy the look back.

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released December 12, 2010

Ari Jacobson: EVERYTHING
Okay, except for a few tracks, duly noted on the individual songs.

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Ari Jacobson New York, New York

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Track Name: Not For You (Demo)
What the world is, it’s nice guys finish last,
It’s build each stepping stone from someone else’s dark unsavory past.
And every present has a purpose, nothing’s given only paid in advance.

And one by one we’re all conforming independently
We learn that politics is poison, drinking pennyroyal tea
Might make more sense than trying all our lives to add to what we see,
But that ain’t how the world has to be.

Not for you, and never for me.
I’ll build my own world, this one forsakes me,
Take me through, and help me believe
They’ll just let us be.

What you are is, you’re shining like the sun
Lingering with lesser lights, I see you and I run.
You energize me, just take my hand and I will finish everything I’ve begun.

I dream about you daily, but by night you seem to(o) pale.
Maybe I just convinced myself I found the holy grail,
And yet I still perceive your halo, silhouetted in the hail
These people fling upon us daily, oh my angel can’t you see
That that ain’t how the world has to be?

Chorus

What I am is very lonely that’s the truth but independent
Of this song, this trial wherein the world and I are co-defendant.
If you need more testimony, that ain’t such a crime,
But if you’re trying to tell me that I’m

Not for you, and you’re not for me,
Then why can’t you, why can’t you, why can’t you tell me,
I’ll get through, and I’ll still believe,
That that ain’t how the world has to be…
Track Name: Sweet Exhaustion
Some souls align to a neon sign, and the gas lights up behind their mind.
A red light flash behind their eyes, will seem to answer blind.
Some souls will sigh for centuries, and memory will alter these...
These decades of ten fingers into prayer beads.
And they tell themselves that eveything explained away remains away.
Tell themselves that it’s okay, and nothing’s incomplete.
Tell themselves beyond the fray, that there are reasons left to stay.
And if they taste the world with a grain of salt...that’ll make it sweet.

Sweet Exhaustion...Heat exhaustion.

Some souls will say that suffering is just the price that love can bring.
And every little bird they’ve ever heard inside their minds will start to sing.
Some souls will lie above themselves, and laugh as they discuss the shelves.
These home improvements cheer them for a while, as they decorate their cells.
And when these souls become deferred, they leave without a noise;
Solemn, staid examples of the greatest grace and poise.
These souls begin to shrink upon their backbones, some—without a choice—
Will walk with equal sadness down another neon road...
And some explode.

I don’t want to spend now, I don’t want to end now.
Don’t have a friend now you’ve left me alone.
Just want to sleep now, I don’t want to breathe now...
Feel like I’ve never been out on my own...
And now my soul’s become deferred, I’ve left without a noise...
I was a solemn, staid example of the greatest grace and poise.
I felt my soul shrink upon my backbone, now without a choice,
Will I walk with equal sadness down another neon road?
Or will I explode...
Track Name: When Tomorrow Saves My Soul
If I could lose myself in you, in your sweet perfume,
Don’t you think I’d give my world...to be inside your room?
And if it meant I lost all that makes me shimmer,
If that was the cost…
I’d let my soul grow slimmer, let my mind grow dimmer
I’d let my tone erode, until the rust snapped with the load.

And I would say let my spirit go.
And I would say let my spirit roll…
And let tomorrow save my soul.

And if you said my sweetness was a song that I could cease…
Don’t you think I’d curdle sour, fill my mind with mortal grease.
If all my colorblindness, was just a lack of hue,
I’d scream until my eyes turned blue.
And I would lose myself in you, I have seen it coming true,
And I know myself well enough by now to know...
Just how strong I am.

I love myself in tears sometimes, but what good does it get me?
I lose myself in fears sometimes, that you could just forget me.
I lost myself in Saturn...but you’re on the other side,
And I would be a monster if you gave me a place to hide in
I would gladly play that role...and let tomorrow save my soul.
Track Name: Percussion Bridge
What I’ll always remember, I’ll remember a bridge,
On the city side a ripped up flag.
The trees were too close and the branches would drag,
And if this is a memory, I don’t know what love is.

I remember a time when I was younger than this,
The river was part of the air that day,
And every time we drove home that way,
That shredded old flag would blow me a kiss.

And they’re fixing up Percussion Bridge...
Gonna make it a slick new ridge of Cubic Zirconia crossing the deep blue sea...
And take it away from me.

I suppose it was unsafe, I suppose it was frail,
But it made me feel special that I gave it a name.
Though it was just a public structure, it was mine just the same,
And every other bridge seemed quiet and pale.

The beat was so funky, like a diamond with soul,
And all it took was a car to explode.
My grown-up mind says it couldn’t handle the load,
But the boy says “man, that bridge could sure rock n’ roll!”

Why do we remember tiny little things?
I was four...swinging on my mother’s bedroom door.
Why do we remember tiny little things?
I was three...learning how to tell a bush from a tree.
Why do we remember all these little things?
I was two, and I wanted something higher than myself, I just raised my arms,
And I flew.
Track Name: You Don't Need Me
Walked a line so straight and narrow, never even seen the arrow,
Pointing the wrong way.
Blindly reaching, never feeling, searching for your mental healing,
Now all that I can think to say is:

You don’t need me like I need you, I deny and you reply,
I can run away but still I die, without you.
Now I’m scared and you don’t know,
You don’t care if I don’t go,
One more hang-up kills me—still the sweetest thing I do…
You don’t need me the way that I need you.

Looked around, and tried expressing all my first and second guessing,
Wearing these concrete shoes.
Sink or swim, and you sit down, do you even look around,
Do you even know you make me sing your blues?
And I complain to myself each morning,
Look away she doesn’t even care.
But it’s surreal, the way without a warning,
Everytime I see you, you’re the only one there.
Track Name: Keep Diggin'
What happens when you’re in too deep, the ground is getting tough,
But too much doesn’t feel like near enough.
Highway doing 90 going faster all the time,
You watch your exit dwindle there behind.
The first lie is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do,
The second comes like water, not a single second’s thought.
The ends might justify it all, that means it’s all on you,
So now you damn well better go and give it all you got.

Take the sour with the sweet, you know that once you hit six feet
You might as well just keep on digging.
Every man is born complete, but brother once you hit six feet
You might as well just keep on digging.

I loved you once in silence, but then I gave it tongue.
Now I can’t believe the thing I’ve done.
Every day I beat my head against a brunette wall.
Begin to lose my balance, start to crawl.
Should I remove my forehead while I’ve still got head to move,
Renounce the things I can’t have and accept the things I’m not?
Or should I choose the sweetness of “I’ve got something to prove,”
Take a running start and damn well give it all I’ve got?

Sang a song about the war, to find out what we’re fighting for
To my surprise, an answer came.
Sang a song about my sin, to find out how I might begin again;
The answer was the same.
Sang a song about my death, wondered should I save my breath?
But thank you lord, the answer still applies.
I’ll sing a song for all of you, hope you get the message too;
Now everybody look me in my eyes:

The dirt begins to taste so sweet, you know that once you hit six feet,
You might as well just keep on digging.
The rain, the hail, the snow, the sleet, forget ‘em once you hit six feet;
You might as well just keep on digging.
Track Name: Identity Crisis
You say, “Today my name is Eileen.”
And I wake up, and your hair is bright green.
You say, “Today my name is Nora.”
And I hear, “Today I will ignore ya.”

You been having an identity crisis,
It’s been going on for about 15 year.
You been having an identity crisis,
And you say:
If I want you you, I’ve gotta know who
Would be the best you, ‘cause you got no clue.

You say “Today, I got a Jesus is my co-pilot bumper sticker”
On your car.
And the next day, you’re saying “God is escapist, and God doesn’t exist,”
And god how I wish that you knew who you are!

You said if we want to be together, you gotta have my permission to call,
And wake me up, every night, 3 am, just to say
“Who am I? Who are you? Who are we all?”
Track Name: She Said
We shared a long and lonely homeward expectation
I’d been aching over baggage that I’d held so long my arms were breakin’.
It didn’t take her long before all I wanted to do was write this song.
I told her how I feel alone, and how I feel a lie,
And how there’s nothing I hate more...
Than being a wonderful guy.

And I told her...
How I’ve been on the verge of tears so long...
Think I’ve forgotten how to cry.

But:
My Someone’ s out there she said, she said:
My someone’s waiting, wanting, watching for me, and,
My someone’s sighing and she’s searching instead.
One day she’ll wake up and then she’s gonna see.

But if it’s all about chemistry,
Then what’s the earthly good in putting any blame on me?
Chalk it all up to pheremones and fantasy.
But then...Why do I bother shaving, why do I bother sighing?
Why do I bother bathing...why do I bother trying?

It’s been solid years since I started a new song.
Nearby conversations where I know I don’t belong
Seem like my only human contact’s been the bridges I helped burn,
And I’m running out of cheeks to turn.
Track Name: One More Look
Walked into the kitchen—thought this is gonna be the last time.
Walked into the kitchen—thought this is gonna be the last time.
Said I’m sure gonna miss this kitchen...but I ain’t gonna change my mind.
So gimme my shoes...gimme my hat...gotta learn woman, can’t treat a man like that,
You got one more look, then I’m heading for the door.
You got one more kiss baby, then you won’t be seeing me no more.

Walked into the living room, sat down on the sofa bed.
Said I sat with my arms on my knees and my hands on my head.
I said I’m sure gonna miss this sofa—but that’s the only thing I said.
I tried to please my woman, give her what she’d need,
I never spoke back and I always agreed,
You got one more look...then I’m heading for the door.
You got one more kiss baby, then you won’t be seeing me no more.

Walked into the bedroom, watched my Sally sleeping away.
Sat there and considered, “Do I really need to do this thing today?”
Then I tapped her on the shoulder, and said “Sally girl, I got something to say.”
Sally you listen...and Sally you learn...
You can’t take all my loving and give nothing in return,
You got one more look, then I’m heading for the door.
You got one more kiss baby, then you be seeing me no more.
Track Name: I Looked Away
I looked away this evenin’ time,
Looked toward a place that’s so sublime,
I sighed my life away, I stared at shades of gray,
‘Til I looked away this evenin’ time.

I wish I was a painter, ‘cuz my words don’t do you justice,
But if a picture’s worth a thousand, then I’ve painted quite a few.
I’ve written books about your beauty, but somehow within the stricture
Of the weight of all those pages, I can’t find the truth of you.

I looked away this evenin’ time.
Looked toward a place that’s so sublime.
I slept in my shyness, I led a life of dryness,
‘Til I danced in the rain this evenin’ time.

And if I was a talker I would hear the words I’m thinking,
I would see my love and sing it and the thought would be the same.
I’d lick my lyrics from your lips, and feel my text upon your fingertips,
And every other rose would smell exactly like your name.

I looked away this evening time.
Looked toward a place that’s so sublime.
I heard you sing so sweetly, in the dark almost completely,
‘Til I opened my eyes this evenin’ time.

I looked away this evenin’ time,
Looked toward a place that’s so sublime,
I sighed my life away, I stared at shades of gray,
‘Til I looked away this evenin’ time.
Track Name: Taste
Wake up and taste what’s happening to you.
It’s such a waste, but what can I do?

Wake and hear me, god I want you near me,
Turn up the volume and I’ll control my face.
Wake up and see this happening to me this
Feels so wrong, you’re so trapped in this place.
But see things from my point of view, and tell me one damn thing that’s true,
Or find just one thing you can do for me or I can do for you.

Wake up and feel me…try your best to heal me;
Break out the leeches and bleed me till I’m dry.
Wake up and tell me what you’ve got to tell me;
If you can’t finish the least you can do is try
To see things from my point of view, and I know one damn thing is true,
There’s only one thing you can’t do for me and I can’t do for you:

Or just go to sleep, and see if I care, what you do does not affect me.
But I still keep a lock of your hair,
And to tell the truth you know you’ve wrecked me.
Track Name: I Will Save Your Life
I will save your life, even when you are a craven
lying heartless scrounging bastard and you’re not worth saving,
I will see right through you to the part that’s right,
Yes I will, yes I will, yes I will save your life.

You try to hide behind your talent, honey that won’t get you far.
(And I won’t help excuse the way you act?)
Boy I could keep your moral standards in a single mason jar
With room left over for your good sense and your tact.

I saw you walk straight into traffic with your hands upon your head,
You’re broken and you treat me like a shard… Remember when
You kicked me in the face while we were lying in my bed (Goddamn it)
Love should never have to be this hard.

You wonder why this history is never quite correct,
You wonder why the world won’t treat you right. Well if I see
You jump into the deep end with those weights around your neck,
When I pull you from the water, baby don’t put up a fight.

I’ll kiss the lip you busted in a barroom brawl,
I’ll listen to your whiny little voice every time you call,
And your total lack of faith may be a blessing after all,
‘Cause when you hit rock bottom you won’t have too far to fall.

I see through your pathetic lies, I know that you’ve got nothing planned,
You can’t avoid my eyes but baby don’t misunderstand.
Track Name: Ignite
Ignite, defy the laws of sound, hold my ground and then come spinning,
Right, no more will I be wrong; sing my song and stand there grinning.
And as the laws of time give way before me,
You will see that I’m the one, you’ll all adore
This sight, I will ignite.

A heart is like a crystal, keep it safe.
No matter what the setting, time will show each little scar.
And in this world we live in, sometimes every word’s designed
To test each facet and to prove precisely just how flawed we are.
So how do I continue without everything I’ve lost?
And how do I begin to start again?

I’m picking up a message now I couldn’t hear before.
I broke the code around us and I finally know the way.
The numbers tell the story and I’m following the signs, but please
Believe me now I hear I you, I hear every word you say.
So how you continue without anything at all?
And how do you begin to say goodbye?
You say you’re sad, but even in this world of Darkness
All we need’s a spark, this
Tinder lights this timber lights this forest lights the sky!

So how do I continue after everything I’ve lost?
Well now it seems so crystal clear to me,
This crystal magnifies the sun we see
And when it’s done I’ll be so glad to pay the cost.

Ignite, defy the laws of sound, hold my ground and then come spinning,
Right, no more will I be wrong; sing my song and stand there grinning.
And as the flames obscure my field of vision,
I’ll be sure that I have reached my last decision
Right, I will ignite.
Track Name: Let's Be Spent
I know what I’ve tasted, I know what I’ve seen.
I know where I’m going, I’ll find where I’ve been.
Let the day be not wasted, let’s know what it meant.
And when the night falls, let’s be spent.

I look to their troubles, I look to their sins.
I look to their heartaches, I look to their grins.
Let the day be not wasted, let’s go where we’re sent.
And when the night falls, let’s be spent.

Let’s be spent, let’s be done with this unchanging sight.
We repent every one of *our shaded diversions.*
Contentment is fun for a year and a night,
But resentment will run and make off with your life, let’s be spent.

I answered with questions, I questioned my thought.
I thought I was learning, I learned what I taught.
Let the day be not wasted, we’re broke and we’re bent,
But when the night falls, let’s be spent.

I shattered a myth and I crumbled a coin-operated
Respect but someday I’ll re-join
When the day is not wasted we’ll re-represent
And when the night falls, let’s be spent.

I remember the time when I first lost my mind,
An attack of sublime or a chronic excursion.
So tactful, so timely, to breathe now would blind me,
A knack for the rhyme in my rhythm you find me...
Track Name: Moral Victory
When I fought authority the law would always win.
“I love a moral victory,” that’s what I’d say.
I used to have a family, I used to have a home,
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away.

I could really use a win right now, a way to be on top somehow,
I gotta fill this you-shaped hole in me.

So long, you always seemed so strong, but if you like this song, that’s enough for me.
Stay, why did you go away, I never got to say, you’re my victory.

Here’s my confession: I don’t think I’ve sinned.
You always were the one to suffer for my crime.
It’s not because I didn’t care, or didn’t try my best,
I just fucking failed you every time.
Track Name: One Thing
One thing I know in my deepest part.
It’s there when I can’t move…even cross the room;
Too many decisions in between.
If one time I stopped…and sank just like a shark.
One thing I know would lift me up, would keep me moving.

When you’re sad, you break me down.
And when you’re happy, you make me turn around.
When I’m weak, when I’m frightened, when I’m caught up in the flow,
When I know nothing, that’s the one thing I know.

One thing I see even when I’m closed.
It’s there in the abyss even when I’m staring, wishing for my gaze to be returned
If one day I wished today were yesterday or miles away,
One thing I see would keep me still, would keep me grounded.

When you’re sad, you break me down.
And when you’re happy, you make me turn around.
When I’m weak, when I’m frightened, when I’m drifting out to sea,
When I see nothing, you’re the one thing I see.

And when the world hurts me, you’ll see me stumbling
And falling at your door.
And when it’s you that hurts me, you’ll see me crawling.
That’s when I need you even more.

One thing I feel in my deepest part.
You make me real.
When I lose my breath, you keep me breathing.

When you’re sad, you break me down.
And when you’re happy, you make me turn around.
When I’m weak, when I’m frightened, when the waves are at my heels,
When I feel nothing, you’re the one thing I feel.
Track Name: Too Little, Too Late
I hear what you’re saying, I know what I’ve done,
I’ve turned this whole summer to rain.
When it should have been breezy and warm in the sun,
Just give me a chance to explain:
I’ll give you my reasons concisely and clear,
I know you’ve had too many seasons this year
When you needed me badly, and I wasn’t here.

Too little, too late to start over this time.
Sure your hours were great but your years were unkind.
I was blind for a while to what you did to my fate,
But you gave me too little, too late.

Remember the winter when I kept you warm,
The fever that I helped you cool.
I should have stayed with you and held out the storm,
And I know that that makes me a fool.
I’ll lay out my logical lapses, confess
All the times I convinced you I needed you less
Than I needed you, truly I’ll give you my best

(But you said) Too little, too late to start over this time.
Sure your moments were great but your years were unkind.
I might have forgiven you making me wait,
But you gave me too little, too late.

I’ll give you my reasons…
I’ll list all my logical lapses…

Too little, too late to start over this time.
A few moments were great but your years were unkind.
I might bear some ill will but you’re too hard to hate,
You just gave me too little, too late.
Track Name: Thoughts from an L.A. Hotel Room
Everyday I do my best, to go my way and never rest,
‘Cause when I do, I think of you, and what I’d do at your request.
Baby are you satisfied, with those who hurt you, those who lied?
Do you know just where you are, and will you ever find your star?

Don’t have to look around, don’t you know where I’ll be found?
I’m nowhere, if I’m not there, in you heart.

I look around, I hope to see, something to take my thoughts off me,
But hiding there on every shelf, it’s in myself, still I can’t agree.
Baby can you find the time, to listen to my soul’s last rhyme?
Everyday I do my best, oh please won’t you listen to a last request?

Don’t spend your time looking everywhere, don’t you know that I’ll still care?
I’m everywhere, I want to be there in your heart.

I know I lost you once before,
would everything be worth it for a whole lot more?
Can we please just make a start,
Can you find me in your heart?